Most of the intimate relationships between a man and a Woman often begin as friendship and it’s often not known when the friendship moves to a more committed stage.
Males & Females are different, each have different viewpoints and problems arise when there is no communication.
The ORV* describes “Shenking” (which is actually a Nigerian Pidgin word) as being thrown away or scorned; it’s synonyms are; Fashii, Bench, Bounce & Sly.
*The Oreoluwa Roberts version (*wink*)
T.D Jakes describes a Lady as an Endangered species, like her masculine counterpart, she is almost extinct…………………….Sensitive, Competent and Temperate, she is the pristine prima donna of days gone by, she is sadly missed ..(pg 53,The Lady,Her Lover & Her Lord).
Let’s do some true-to-life analysis;
THE CHURCH FREAK
Say,you met this lady at a meting, you don’t really attend church meetings but you somehow went for this one. She’s beautiful,has a great smile, is “fervent in prayer” and has a great dress sense.
You guys got talking, exchanged numbers and soon you began calling night after night.
The talks got longer, you take her out on a few dates and your heart is telling you that she could be the one so you ask her to come visit you and see some movies in your apartment.
Instead of accepting your offer, Aunty brings up a sermon about sexual purity & “the bed undefiled” and you try to convince her that you are just mad over her and not a bad guy and she should stop carrying church for head but she keeps up the sermon and you get pissed and walk away because afterall there are many fishes in the sea.
Some weeks later, she reasons your offer and since she doesn’t want to seem cheap, she sends you a text message out of the blues asking about your health and work but you hiss and classify her as Mother Theresa and move on to the next one.
THE RANDOM LADY
You’re the busy Guy and late evenings are the only time you get to chat and breeze, so you’re surfing Facebook and you see an interesting profile picture of a beautiful one and you send a friend request and thank her for accepting as the gentleman that you are,
You guys start chatting & share a few info and some laughed and you say you’ll give her a call soon, you chat for 2 more nights and call her the next night by 10:15pm in your breeze time & you hear a recorded message which goes; Hi deary, thanks for calling but i don’t take calls after 10pm, i kind of sleep early……..You’re Flustered!! is this not the Lady you were chatting with 2 nights ago? but you told her that you’re busy and this is the only time you have……What’s with the shakara gan sef?
You’re seriously spending time on a lady & she’s feeling fly because she has a cute profile picture…Who she epp? You shenk her……
THE CUSTOMER CARE LADY
She’s pretty, shapely, smiles a lot, speaks great English, she’s a people’s person and you spotted her at the mall with her friends and she even made a joke about your being too serious, you exchange numbers and go through her IG , her pictures are Badt! she used to be a Model…Damn! Those legs……You chat her up , you call, she’s fun, she calls you in the mornings and sends Whatsapp audios to wakes you up, she sleeps over,she cooks for you, she is Wife Material; the Woman of your Dreams BUT! she has many callers; Chai! The Guys can call for Africa, at any time of the day, she excuses herself often to pick “the calls” you search for her on the bed on nights when she sleeps over; she was supposed to be your girlfriend; you confront her, she says they are just friends, you warn her many times, she doesn’t change……………You shenk her.
THE IRON LADY
She’s creative, beautiful, she’s at the top of her game but her blood is Hot & she takes no shit!!
Her collection of Guys are Lit but she rejects them all, somehow-somehow you get her number and she agrees to go on a date with you, you feel like a Man, you have “ka her apa” (Yoruba slang), you beat her to it and you guys get talking.
Then the bomb drops! Her spirit, soul & body is not just iron but Rusted Iron, she reeks bile…..In your terms, she’s frustrated, she gists you about her Exes and claims that all guys are the same and all they do is break hearts.
This one is too much for you; you try to change her perspective and buy her gifts but she says hse suspects you and doesn’t know hwat your motive is……..Ahan! she get problem o, you stop chasing, you can’t be wasting your time…………………You shenk her.
WHAT TO DO
Communication experts say that there are 6 things you need tot watch out for when communicating with someone who you are in/ intend to be in a relationship with;
What you mean to say
What you actually say
What the other person hears
What the other person thinks they hear
What the other person says about what you said
What you think the other person said about what you said
A lot of effort goes into Communication, that’s why you need to chill for your partner, the danger is we tend to read meaning into what our partners/intending partners say and often get the wrong impression.
The Church Freak can be made to understand that there’s a life outside church which doesn’t require her to drop her Morals & Standards.
The Random Lady should be given another chance, her shakara could be for a reason which might be based on previous experiences, you guys can work out a feasible time.
The Customer Care Lady can learn to respect your relationship and define it for other guys to be put in their place.
The Iron Lady needs a little more Love, she wasn’t always like that, don’t give up.
Guys should chill too, a Lady is a Diamond a much as Guys are Gold, if he likes her, he has to dig dip,Don;t bounce that Female.
Enjoy the rest of the Week.